Unanswered Knocks

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My friend,

You push me away when you need me most

Why does tragedy make you hide from love?

I want to give you what most don’t have

Support

But your isolated grief closes the door

Bolts the lock

So outside of your house

I stand

Clutching the flower I bought

To remind you of new life

I watch the raindrops fall

Hitting your window

Now rolling down my heart

When you lock yourself away

We both lose out on friendship

Your pain goes untended;

My knocks go unanswered

-Juaquina She

New Cities

 

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Source: Unknown

Looking down the empty path

I realize some journeys I must take alone

Releasing the anxiety and embracing uncertainty

Standing firmly on what was promised

I take my first step

Into a new world

A new season

I leave everything else behind

The pain, the regret, the rejection

The joy, the people, the memories

I let them all go

Keeping my eyes straight ahead

I let go of the past

I am ready for what will be


Original words by Juaquina She

Identity

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Source: Unknown

The balance of humility and confidence is what I struggle to achieve. It seems like a constant compromise to either self-deprecate or walk with arrogance. I am learning that having a solid knowledge of who I am will keep me from wandering to either extremes. So, where does my identity come from? It comes from the Lord. I am His child. I am loved. and I am royalty. Everything else is a small detail. This is the foundation I build upon on this lifelong journey of discovery. 

-Juaquina She

 

Always Remember…

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Photocred: Me. Juaquina Carter

I am like this plant.

Growing where they told me I couldn’t

Through the darkness

Flourishing where there is no soil

Where there was once concrete ceilings

I must have saw opportunity

My existence is a miracle

Not to be taken for granted

For where there is life

There is a purpose

Do you hear that, self?

Where there is breath

There is life

And where there is life

There is purpose.

So don’t forget that you are

Something rare

Something phenomenal

Dead.

Photographer: Unknown

I had not realized the rabbit hole I climbed into until I was nearing the bottom. When you fall that gracefully, it leaves you wondering how you got there. I was confused to feel my body hit the ground so suddenly.

The earth shook.

Something inside of me broke off.

I lay there for a while looking at the empty space surrounding me. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. For my body to adjust to the pain. For my skin to adjust to the bruising.

This was my death.

I wanted to stand again, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have the energy to lift myself up. I wanted to search for some meaning. I wanted to find a way out. My mind wouldn’t allow me to delve into these desires. Instead, I just experienced pain.The pain from the fall resonated through my entire being. A part of me was touched that was only meant for the hands of God. And she wept.

For days. For weeks. For months.

An entire season of rain passed through the desert land of my heart, but my soil was not watered. The seeds of love drowned inside of what was supposed to make them grow.

This was my funeral.

I could not open my lips to pray. I did not ask God to save me; I did not have the energy to reach for Him.

Instead, God came to me.

Rest.” That was first word I heard. The only one that sat on my ears for a while. Then more came…

I love you.

Confusion on how a God can love someone who causes themselves harm filled my mind, but my response got lost in my exhaustion. So I rested. And I allowed God’s love to cover me like a blanket.

Except this was not a blanket meant for sleeping. It was one of restoration and of life.


To be continued.

In Between Creativity

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Like finishing a series on Netflix

Wondering what will fill your empty time now

Wondering what could possibly capture your attention

After having invested your energy into six seasons of one story line

So it is after completing a project

Waiting for the next bout of inspiration to hit you

Twiddling your thumbs

And ignoring the fear that maybe

You will never partner with another idea so great

That you might not ever see

Another project come together so seamlessly

In between creativity

Is the empty space of waiting

And dammit,

I hate waiting.

Dirt

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I built a beautiful house

On a foundation not meant for standing

So I crumbled

Fell on a ground not meant for walking

So I crawled

To what saves me

I sought out what heals me

There I found new soil

Meant for planting

Meant for expansion

It was right there-It is here

Where I find my strength to stand again

To rise again

I find my legs and use them to work again

I constructed something

That took years to build

And seconds

To fall

And now?

With a glad heart

I start again