No More Begging

Submit query letter.

Wait four weeks for reply.

Receive nicely written rejection letter.

Repeat. 

Submit query letter.

Wait four weeks for reply.

Receive nicely written rejection letter.

Repeat. 

Submit query letter.

Wait four weeks for reply.

Receive nicely written rejection letter.

Repeat. 

I can’t do this anymore.

I have to break this cycle of discouragement

I’m not sure why they call creative vocations dream jobs. The process of pursuing your calling is the most challenging process a person will ever have to go through. Jumping over hurdles of rejection and low self-esteem is not for the weak of heart. It takes a certain level of strength to still believe in yourself when no one else seems to.

Well, after years of jumping hurdles and countless rejection letters, I’m done.

…with query letters that is.

I have composed a total of three books that has yet to see the light of day. Why? Because everyone who has the opportunity to read it seems to think it is not worthy of being birthed into the world. Every time I finish something and feel so proud, that confidence is brutally murdered by the slightest negative comment. And you know what I have come to realize? It’s not everyone else…

It’s me.

It’s me. I’m the problem. The only person stopping my books from seeing the light of day is me. Every time I receive a rejection letter or hear disapproval on the topics I choose to write about, I walk away from my babies (my projects). After carrying around the idea for nine months and watching it grow, I abort my efforts suddenly. I lose hope. I eventually stop looking over them and praying for them. I look for something else to nurture. As if those aborted ideas were not worth the effort. But…they are.

Each of the three books I have written is amazing. The words in those manuscripts has the potential to save a life and change the world. And you know what else? I have decided I’m no longer going to beg big name publishers to give me a chance. If they can’t see the greatness and potential in what I have written. They will see once they catch wind of it on the other side of the publishing process.

No more query letters. No more pouring my heart out to agents who only listen when you have 50000000000 followers on social media. No more setting my hopes up only to get politely rejected. No more. No more begging. No more persuading. No more proving the worth of my work.

So, what am I saying?

I’m saying,

I have decided…

…to self publish.

Rebirth.

Today is a new day.

But…

Nothing makes sense right now. Or I guess…nothing is supposed to make sense.

I have watched everything crumble. I have seen strong buildings fall and systems collapse. I have heard the cries of mourning and wiped the tears of afflictions.

I am not talking about society. I am talking about me.

Today is a new day. But nothing makes sense…

yet.

I am taking things step by step. I’m not sure what my story will be, but I know I have a story to tell. So, I will continue to write until things make sense again.

I will move forward with hope, because today is a new day.

Self Reconciliation (Revolutions)

Funny…

I had not realized I was at war with myself. This entire time God has been telling me to work and trust Him, but I did not know it was myself He wanted me to work on.

Last year was a season of discovery. This year is a season of reconciliation. Now that I have found the me that God created in His image, I must learn to become one with her. I must learn to let her lead and not my ego. I must learn how to create peace within myself.

After all, how will I cause great revolutions in the world, if I cannot direct the greatest revolution of them all.

So, my hiatus from creating is still in full effect. The most important relationship and project in my life is the one with myself. Everything else will have to be an afterthought.

 

Miscarriage (Ideas)

As important as it is to be in a constant position to partner with creativity and new ideas, so it is equally important to always be able to let go of ideas that are no longer fruitful.

It could have been great. It was a phenomenal idea, but it is not what you will procreate with. It could have been beautiful. But it is nothing, and that is perfectly okay, my darling. It is okay to let it go. Let it spread its wings and partner with another heart. Do not hold onto something that is not your own to create.

Let it go and remain open to the next idea that wants to drift in your life and wander around your thoughts.

There is life after lost ideas.